They're Coming to Take Me Away! Haha
by Mrs-King-Edmund-Actually
Summary: Funny little one-shot written to help me with writer's block. What happens when Edward returns after leaving Bella in New Moon five years later? What happens when she's at his old house, trying to play his piano and singing a silly song? Comments needed!


_Ting, Ting, TONG_! I heard a racket that could only be described as atrocious. It was floating out the open door of the home I'd once lived in, the home I'd taken _her_ to so she could meet my parents. _Our parents_, I thought bitterly.

I'd hoped to one day see my mother's ring upon her finger, to hear her call Carlisle "Dad" and Esme "Mom". I'd dreamed of having my own fairytale princess all to myself until the end of time.

But I was selfish, and I realized it and left her. Days of pain morphed into weeks of despair, and with each tick of the clock I got closer to my breaking point.

So here I was, standing outside of the home that held so many memories. Inside this home, my broken angel awaited me.

I glided into the house, and what I saw when I stepped in the door nearly caused me to turn and flee.

She sat on my piano bench, hopelessly trying to tap out a melody. I recognized the first two notes. _Her lullaby, _I realized. My poor, depleted love was trying to play the song I'd written for her those lonely five years ago.

Suddenly, she stiffened. Her fingers fell from the keys and her arms crossed over her stomach, as if to hold herself together.

Without warning, she began to sing. Her voice was scratchy, as if from disuse, but still so sweet and beautiful.

_Remember when you ran away  
And I got on my knees  
And begged you not to leave  
Because I'd go berserk?  
Well. . ._

You left me anyhow  
And then the days got worse and worse  
And now you see I've gone  
Completely out of my mind  
And. . .  
_  
They're coming to take me away, HA HA _ _  
They're coming to take me away, HO HO HEE HEE HA HA  
To the funny farm  
Where life is beautiful all the time  
And I'll be happy to see  
Those nice, young men  
In their clean, white coats  
And they're coming to take me away, Ha-haaa!_

She laughed madly, shaking with sobs and giggles at the same time. What had I done?__

You thought it was a joke  
And so you laughed  
You laughed when I had said  
That losing you would make me flip my lid  
Right. . .

_  
You know you laughed, I heard you laugh  
You laughed, you laughed and laughed  
And then you left  
But now you know I'm utterly mad!  
And. . ._

They're coming to take me away, HA HA  
They're coming to take me away, HO HO HEE HEE HA HA  
To the happy home  
With trees and flowers and chirping birds  
And basket weavers who sit and smile  
And twiddle their thumbs and toes  
And they're coming to take me away, Ha-haaa!

I cooked your food  
I cleaned your house  
And this is how you pay me back  
For all my kind, unselfish loving deeds?!!  
Hah. . .

Well you just wait  
They'll find you yet  
And when they do they'll  
Put you in the ASPCA, you mangy mutt!  
And. . .

They're coming to take me away, HA HA  
They're coming to take me away, HO HO HEE HEE HA HA  
To the funny farm  
Where life is beautiful all the time  
And I'll be happy to see  
Those nice, young men  
In their clean, white coats  
And they're coming to take me away, Ha-haaa!

To the happy home  
With trees and flowers and chirping birds  
And basket weavers who sit and smile  
And twiddle their thumbs and toes  
And they're coming to take me away, Ha-haaa!

To the funny farm  
Where life is beautiful all the time  
And I'll be happy to see  
Those nice, young men  
In their clean, white coats  
And they're coming to take me away, Ha-haaa!

She broke off into hysterical laughter as she whipped around to see my horrified face. She laughed harder, bending over as her long brown hair obscured her face.

"Don't you see, my dear, deadbeat Edward? You'll send them, I know you will, and when you do I'll go willingly, because I know you'll always be with me!"

"Bella?" I choked, unable to comprehend that this madwoman before me was my once sweet and shy love.

"Yes, Edward?" She answered gleefully, grinning so hard it looked like it hurt.

"What have I done?"

"What haven't you done?" I stared at her, my mouth open as she got up and began to shuffle toward me.

"I'm sorry, my love. If I hadn't left . . ." I trailed off, horrified.

"If you hadn't left, I wouldn't be here singing Napoleon XIV songs to you and talking to the voices inside my mind. But, my dear Edward, all things begin with 'what it?' What if I were to drop dead this instant?" And with that she collapsed, never to rise again.

This is the written account of the death of Isabella Marie Swan, a raving lunatic.


End file.
